Why You’re Not “Giving Up A Child” For Adoption
History behind the phrase “giving up a child for adoption”
The history behind this old phrasing of “giving up a child”/ “putting up a child for adoption“ began with the orphan trains that ran from the mid-1800s until the early 1900s. Trains would bring orphaned, homeless children from large eastern cities to the mid-west where families would “adopt” the children. Learn more
Why You’re Not Giving Up
When is it appropriate to use the phrase “giving up”? Do you give up on a goal or find a different path? When you’re faced with a difficult situation, do you automatically give up or work hard to find other options available? You never truly give up on anything. Most certainly, there is always a new path, even if it isn’t what you had originally hoped or planned for.
If you don’t use the phrase in your everyday life, why use it when you’re considering adoption for your child.
Every parent wants to provide for their child. Every parent is willing to put their child’s needs above their own. At Adoption Center of Illinois, we know that parents considering adoption are no exception to this. Most importantly, this phrase to “give up a child for adoption” does not reflect the many thoughts and feelings that a parent experiences when considering adoption today.
Biological parents are making a conscientious choice on what is best for their baby, themselves and their family. The process of choosing to make an adoption plan takes time.
Diana – a parent considering adoption for her child
Diana is pregnant and considering adoption for her child and she was no exception as she looked at all her options in considering what is best for her baby. She considered what it would be like to parent this child and/or if there were relatives that could step in to help. Diana thought about how placing this child would affect her emotionally. She understood this was a lifelong decision and one she could not take back. As Diana explained to her counselor, there was not just one reason for her to be considering adoption. It was a mixture of life events, financial status, and lack of support from the biological father.
“I’m pregnant?! Is this home test correct? Why is this happening now? I have two little ones already, how am I going to afford another one? We are struggling financially. Just went to the prenatal clinic, I heard the heartbeat. I am three months pregnant. I’ve spoken to the father, he doesn’t want any responsibility, says do whatever you need to do. He refuses to help. What am I going to do? I would never think of abortion, this is a little baby.
I wonder what are my options? What about adoption? What does that even look like? Could I do that? Carry this baby and then just hand them over to someone else? What would my other two little ones think? This is so hard!”
Diana – Age 25
Diana contacted Adoption Center of Illinois to learn more about the option of adoption, her rights as a parent considering adoption and to get help in starting to create her adoption plan. Her adoption plan included picking the adoptive family, meeting with them and deciding to have future ongoing post placement communication with them. Diana delivered a healthy baby girl and ultimately decided adoption was the best option.
Positive Adoption Language
Let’s stop diminishing the importance of this life decision for some and start changing the rhetoric that surrounds adoption.
At Adoption Center of Illinois, we encourage everyone to think of the words they use when discussing adoption. Words are powerful and how you say them matters. By changing the rhetoric around adoption, it can change how society as a whole sees adoption. Those who are touched by adoption must be the leaders of this movement if we want society to change how they view those who place a child, those who adopt a child and those who are adopted.
There needs to continue to be an active motion forward in using positive adoption language. What does that look like?
Learning about the option of adoption
Are you interested in learning more about the option of adoption?
Our counselors are available to help you learn more about how adoption is not “giving up” but could be another way you can provide for your child. You can take time to decide if this is the right option for you. We are here to answer all your questions and will travel anywhere in Illinois to meet up with you.
CONTACT US today to learn more.
Pam joined Adoption Center of Illinois in July of 1991. She graduated from the University of Iowa where she earned her bachelor’s degree focusing on psychology, child development and counseling. Pam counsels expectant parents in northern, central and southern Illinois and says that after many years with the agency she still loves her job.